For some time I have wanted to write about the way in which trauma often shapes the ego. However, I have been wanting to express it in the gentlest way possible, in order to try to avoid being misunderstood to be blaming victims for their difficulty in letting go of the past. Hence, I have waited until finding the words and examples that I feel can articulate what I am wishing to express here. I have now found some examples that I think show my point quite well, which I will get to shortly.
Today I am going to offer some strong (perhaps even radical) perspectives on human suffering. Whilst I acknowledge the valid need for us to sometimes spend time and energy exploring suffering, I naturally gravitate towards our potential to overcome it. I wish to be clear however that this is intended out of compassion. I am not intending on writing this to judge or look down upon others. Rather, I have written with the hope that my brothers and sisters can find true lasting peace and freedom from suffering.
Also, I wish to make it clear that I too am on this journey. I do not make the claim to have arrived finally at a destination from which I am free of suffering. Like most human beings, I am a complex creature. I have made much progress in many ways, and do experience largely continuous inner silence and peace, as well as regular deeper experiences of spiritual ecstasy. And yet, there are many areas of my life in which I have gone round and round in circles, and haven’t yet made the progress I desire. In fact, there are some areas of my life in which I have repeatedly struggled and suffered, over significant periods of time.
So, I am definitely included amongst those I write about here. I am just as human as anyone else. There is a big difference between understanding something intellectually, and integrating it into every facet of life experience. Often we can believe something on the surface of our consciousness, but our body and subconscious mind hold conflicting beliefs, which can take some time to face.
As a personal example, I myself have long ignored my own needs to examine the content of my own subconscious, and perform what is often called “shadow work”. I have only now very recently started engaging in this, and have found it deeply liberating. However, my personal instinct is to make it clear that I don’t believe we should focus too long in examining pain and the past. Rather, there are ways to quickly find lasting peace and to grow towards transcendent ideals. Of course each and every individual must find their own balance in acknowledging and loving their own humanity, whilst discovering and integrating their own divinity.
In this article I’m not so much going to go into the actual processes involved, whether that be counselling and shadow work at the personal level, or finding and resting in pure awareness, expanding the consciousness and consciously directing the mind. Rather, I’m going to talk in general terms about how to see human suffering from a spiritual perspective, whilst being gentle and compassionate towards the human level of personality. I will however leave some notes and suggested links in the endnotes[i].
I am going to explain why on one hand it is not the fault of victims that their personality is shaped in a certain way from their traumatic experiences. Simultaneously however, to live up to our potential, at some point we need to become conscious and make the decision to deliberately direct our lives, or consciously live from a place of peace. Hence, we can express compassion to those that suffer, and yet also remind each other and ourselves that we have the potential to choose how we define ourselves and how we see the world. I am not teaching victim blaming, rather quite the opposite: universal compassion. And yet, we must see and acknowledge the ways in which we all create suffering for ourselves and for others around us.
The link between foster care and homelessness, amongst other social problems:
An excellent example (and analogy) to demonstrate this is of the strong link between children in foster care and homelessness. A recent study showed that out of homeless youth, around 60% per cent had recently left foster care![ii] I know many people that feel no compassion for the homeless, but rather see them as pathetic, suffering simply through their own power. This study should blow the waters on such thinking.
Some of this is due to simple logistics, in that foster children often get their funding stopped when they turn 18, whilst most 18 year olds are currently living at home. Some of this however is also due to the trauma experienced by foster children. So many of them have been neglected or explicitly abused, physically, psychologically and sexually. Every one of them is a precious being that deserves love and freedom, and yet most of them have been denied the basics of which so many of us take for granted.
The human psyche often responds in predictable ways to traumatic circumstances. The fact that so many people that experience childhood trauma have problems with homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse, mental health issues and crime etc. clearly shows that at one level, it is not their fault. And yet there is another level in which we all posses power to be free and live in joy.
It is not the fault of those that respond to difficult circumstances for not knowing how to move forward, heal their pain and evolve. Our culture doesn’t excel at teaching these attributes, even in healthy and relatively “normal” households. Many adults are essentially wounded children walking around in adult bodies, and without realising it they pass on these wounds to the next generation.
A complete understanding of reality often involves harmonizing seemingly opposite views[iii]. This is done not because of a desire to please everyone (which is impossible) or an unwillingness to take a side, but rather simply because the facts demand it. Here we can see two different views that are both valid. That is, on one level it is not the fault of children from foster care if/when they have problems with homelessness, mental health and substance abuse. Equally though, each of them has the power to change their life, find healing and express their potential.
To truly help those that suffer we need to remember both sides. That is, when dealing with those that are in deep pain we need to honour their humanity and recognise the depth of their trauma, and affirm that it is not their fault. Equally though, we have to find a way to inspire them to consider their higher nature and the extraordinary potential that they possess. Each precious human being living on the street has extraordinary untapped potential to transcend his or her suffering and thrive. Every single one of them needs unconditional love. Every single one of them has a natural inherent worth that they may be largely unaware of. It is my hope that when we see those who do not know their value or have not been valued by others, that we are motivated to make them aware of the value that is their birth right.
I truly believe that there is no psychological pain that cannot be healed. I wouldn’t be surprised if some people disagree with me there, and I wouldn’t necessarily blame them. It can certainly feel like you have no choice but to feel (and think) the way you do when you have suffered injustice (and again, I affirm this as being normal for our humanity). However, I have had the great blessing of experiencing a degree of the underlying Self[iv] of pure consciousness, and I have to tell people that in the depth of true peace and love, there are no problems. In the depth of spiritual peace there is truly nothing to forgive.
Of course in our humanity there are countless challenges, and in practical matters there are consequences to misdeeds. However, in the depth of the Self there is only overflowing love, and this love is fulfilling in a way that cannot be described. Again, I am not the only person to experience this, and I invite my readers to seek this experience themselves in a way that suits their nature.
Domestic violence and children of alcoholic and/or abusive parents:
Similarly, it is common for victims of domestic violence to find themselves in abusive relationships over and over again, often returning repeatedly to the same abusive relationship[v]. Likewise, children of alcoholic parents often find themselves in adult relationships with alcoholics or people with other serious issues[vi]. So, we can see that on one level it is not so much their fault, as the human ego responds in fairly predictable ways to abusive situations. Human beings unconsciously gravitate to circumstances in which they are familiar, even if those circumstances are deeply unhealthy.
Social workers and police often feel frustration that they see the same people suffering in abusive relationships overs a long period of time. That is, someone is in an abusive relationship, they seek assistance and get out of it, and yet two years later they are back with the same partner in the same dynamic, or in a new relationship with a very similar dynamic again. Again though, we need to offer unconditional love and compassion to such people, affirming to them that it is not their fault, and yet simultaneously try and find ways to inspire them to find their own value and potential.
Cultural conditioning and the link between poverty and crime:
We can also see many other subjects in a similar light. In many parts of the world children are taught by their parents to hate people from other cultural, national, religious or political groups. In many respects it is therefore not their fault when they grow up to be adults with deeply negative biases and they project these biases onto the world at large. And yet, we human beings are meant to awaken from our unconscious behaviour and take ownership, healing our past and looking at what is truly healthy for ourselves and for life as a whole.
Can I suggest we even extend this compassion to those that are raised in communities with high degrees of poverty and crime, who themselves turn to crime[vii]. That is, whilst compassion and upliftment must obviously extend to victims of crime and abuse, we must find love that is great enough to extend to all, even the perpetrators of such things. Each and every one of them is too a precious being that has gone astray. A great number of them have also been victims earlier on in life, and a great number of them have lived through deep poverty and a wide divide between rich and poor.
Of course, I am not suggesting that there should be no consequences for misdeeds. However, the consequences can stand without judgment in our hearts. Even the worst, sickest beings have the potential for good within them. I do not believe that anybody is beyond redemption, though I accept that large numbers will not achieve it within their current lifetime. For some, this level of compassion may seem like too high a standard to aim towards, an unrealistic goal which is beyond the capacity of humanity. Without meaning to diminish the pain that so many feel, I have to share the indescribable peace I have found, and I know that many others also experience. When you too discover this peace for yourself, you get a glimpse of our potential.
Unconscious behaviour and conditioning:
In recent times Eckhart Tolle has done a brilliant job of explaining how our conception of self (ego) drives much of our thoughts and behaviour. Human beings come to define themselves by the things they do, their hobbies, the roles they play and functions they perform, by the color of their skin, their gender, sexuality, religion, political views, sports teams they support etc. As such, these self-definitions filter our entire perception of life, and influence and motivate our behaviour, often without our awareness of it.
Hence, much of human thinking and behaviour is governed by unconscious beliefs and motivations. If these beliefs and motivations are to be made conscious, then their dysfunctional nature can be quickly and easily seen. For example, when someone has identified themself with the role of parenthood (that is, taken it beyond the needs and responsibilities of their position) they often find it hard to let go of their role as the child grows into an adult. It is common for parents to relate to their children in an adult-child manner, even when the child is fully-grown and independent. In this case, the parent feels an unconscious need to sustain their identity, and because it is no longer an authentic need, it creates problems with their relationship with their children.
In such relationships there are often unconscious thoughts such as “I know what is best for you, and I will try to make you feel guilty until you realise that I know best and do what I want”, or “You need to be successful, so that I can be successful through you”, or “I need you to need me, because I don’t know who I would be if I wasn’t needed”. When these things are spoken out loud we can clearly see that they are not healthy. And yet these kind of unconscious thoughts are practically the norm in human relationships. Just to be clear though, this is only one small example, and I don’t simply wish to pick on parents of adult children (one could just as easily give unhealthy examples from the opposite perspective).
Much human behaviour is driven by unconscious beliefs and feelings of lack, of separation from others (and life itself) and vulnerability. It is again much easier to see this in other people than in oneself, but ultimately it is far more important to recognise and address it in yourself. It all starts with becoming aware of your habitual thought processes, becoming aware of your emotional states and repetitive behaviour. This is not an easy task but it is ultimately an essential one, for without awareness of these things one will continue to suffer unnecessarily throughout their life. It is common for these issues to get worse and worse throughout our life, and I suspect that much of what we consider inevitable aging is as a result of deepening unconsciousness throughout the years.
The metaphysical Law of Attraction, cognitive bias and body language etc:
In modern spiritual circles we often hear of a concept called “Law of Attraction” (LOA henceforth). This concept is founded upon the perspective that there is (ultimately) only consciousness, and that all Creation exists as vibration within one eternal Divine Mind[viii]. The LOA explains that everything that someone experiences in their life is effectively an extension of their thoughts, in that their thoughts create an energetic vibration that has tangible creative power, and draws to them experiences that are in harmony with them. Hence it is often said in modern spiritual circles that “you create your own reality”.
I don’t want to spend too much time here discussing the ins and outs of this theory, though I plan to go into detail about it at some point. However, I will state that regardless of your worldview (whether you are an atheist/naturalist, Christian, Buddhist or anything else) there is a certain degree to which some of the fundamentals of the LOA are undeniably true. Perhaps we can say that any disagreements over the theory of LOA can only reasonably be over the extent to which it operates. That is, certain fundamentals of LOA can be seen to be true even in a materialist worldview, and thus even if you don’t accept the metaphysical aspects of the theory.
Emotions are largely the bodies felt response to thinking (though they can also be an instinctual response to external circumstances). That is, a positive thought of love produces an emotion (or feeling) that we identify as being the feeling of love. When you think fearful thoughts as a response to a life circumstance you experience a corresponding emotional response (that is the feeling of fear). When you think strong negative thoughts towards someone (like hate) you feel the emotional correspondence of hate.
There are chemical responses in the body that correspond with our emotions. Positive thoughts create specific responses in the nervous and endocrine systems that feel pleasant and also aid good health, helping to prevent disease and assist the regeneration of cells. On a psychological level, with practice one can consciously achieve a positive emotional state by consciously directing their thoughts, and feel greater clarity and vitality in the process.
When you are feeling positive there are unavoidable signs in your body language that transmits your mood to others, both consciously and unconsciously. That is, whilst people can often attempt to disguise their true thoughts and feelings with their words, body language never lies, and we all can sense this.
Many people unconsciously believe that their emotions are effectively beyond their control, and are simply natural and unavoidable responses to what life throws at them. In truth however, five different people can have five very different mental and emotional responses to the same circumstances. This shows that psychological conditioning and mental/emotional habits shape the way in which we respond to life.
Whilst much of our individual conditioning occurs originally at a subconscious level, one can learn to recondition themselves in accordance with higher intentions. That is, one can examine the thought processes (both conscious and unconscious) that generate our emotional responses, and – over a period of time – change them. Hence, our mental and emotional states are absolutely within our own power; only that a significant amount of self-discipline (and time) is required for most people to attain mastery of their psychological states (I for one am still working on it).
When people identify themselves with traumatic experiences and injustices, this subconscious identification filters through into all of their thoughts, beliefs and emotions. Through body language, others that they encounter pickup various cues as to the psychological projections of the other, which affects how they respond. Hence, different people get different responses from the same person, depending on their body language.
Furthermore, through cognitive bias we often misinterpret others behaviour in accordance with our own projections. That is, even if another does not react to our own negativity, we can often perceive them as hostile towards us when they are in fact being kind. I have witnessed a number of people who perceive others to be in conflict with them, when in truth it has been almost entirely their own projection.
It is generally very difficult to persuade someone that their perspective on life is wrong, when they perceive themselves to be constantly experiencing evidence of the reality of their perspective. Once the ego has been conditioned in a particular way, it naturally perceives following experiences in a light that appears to corroborate its pre-existing biases. For those of us that are open to (or believers in) the possibility that consciousness is the one and only substance of reality, one can see that life actually does give you direct feedback of the content of your thoughts.
Again though, regardless of whether or not you believe in (or are open to) a metaphysical “Law of Attraction”, most of its principles can still be agreed upon by Christians, atheists or anyone else for that matter. The question is simply upon to what degree and to what extent these principles influence the response of life to ones inner state.
Spiritual growth, Shadow work and balance:
In my opinion true growth should involve both a deepening awareness of ones spiritual nature, and a facing of ones human nature. One needs to both find the silence of pure awareness, and also shine the light of awareness upon the subconscious to discover what is hiding there and allow it to heal. There are unfortunately countless examples of people who have developed spiritually, but failed to grow in their humanity. This can often be quite a dangerous combination, particularly in the case of charismatic leaders.
It is in fact quite possible to have significant degrees of higher spiritual experiences without healing more basic human psychological disturbances. Hence, I suggest both resting in pure awareness and also deliberately applying the mind, both forward in pursuit of what is wanted and also in complete acceptance of what has been and what is.
I have often said that balance is a concept that human beings are still only beginning to explore. When we try to move towards worldly success we often neglect our psychological and spiritual lives. When we pursue a spiritual search we often neglect our worldly needs (this guy, right here…). When we aspire towards humility we sometimes loose self-confidence and self-esteem. When we aspire towards confidence and power we often lose humility.
It is difficult to go in two directions at once. What often happens is that we go in one direction and pull the opposite pole of ourselves out of balance. What we must therefore aspire to do is expand ourselves in one direction at a time, without pulling other elements of our self and life out of balance at the same time. Ideally, we want to expand in all directions, recognising the immediate needs of our unique circumstances.
It is vital that spiritual aspirants are conscious of their humanity and the authentic needs and priorities of their physical experience. Spirituality can bring the experience of transcendent peace and love, and also otherworldly knowledge and intuition. It is unfortunately common for human beings to mistake the presence of these experiences for evidence of divine perfection, and consider themselves to be above and beyond the flaws of humanity. There needs to be a balance between finding Divinity, in which all human struggles can be seen in a different context, and also being fully present within our humanity.
If someone only pursues spirituality alone, then one can easily ignore or deny the pressing needs of their family or their self. This may be the need to face ones own anger, fear or unexpressed desire, the responsibility to care for the greater needs of their children or address financial shortages.
Alternatively, psychological work without a greater spiritual context can be a bottomless pit. It can be difficult to explore ones own pain without the mind identifying with it, and without the mind becoming addicted to the process. There has to be some ideal of an end-point or limit, after which the exploration can be dropped and one can move on. Ultimately though, most human beings do not resolve their issues within their life, and only drop their psychological baggage when the physical vehicle is itself left behind.
Whilst the human experience can be extremely enjoyable, it is also immensely challenging. The greater the challenge however, the greater the potential for growth. With the difficulty of being human comes the opportunity to develop wisdom, compassion and strength. And of course, to those who can align with the flow of life the human experience can be filled with joy, excitement adventure and fulfilment.
Unconditional compassion, regardless of whether (or not) we can clearly see that someone has created their own suffering:
I would suggest we extend compassion to all that suffer, regardless of whether we can look at someone and see that it is clear that they are the cause of their own suffering. Lets image two people – Person A and B – in a close relationship of some sort (partners, friends, family, work colleagues etc.). It is common for Person A to be deeply aware of what is going on under the surface of Person B, and to be able to see clearly a path ahead for them to heal and move forward. And yet, Person A is often unaware of what is going on under the surface of their own consciousness, and likewise cannot see their own path ahead for healing and life progress. And yet Person B could look at Person A and easily see what is bubbling just below the surface in their subconscious.
When Person A looks at Person B it appears as if Person B is simply creating their own suffering by perpetuating the past and refusing to accept what is. The problems that Person B suffers with can appear to be easily resolvable to Person A, and they think they could easily step into their shoes and “fix” their life. And it often looks as though Person B makes little or no effort to resolve their own problems. And yet, when it comes to their own issues, Person A feels like they have tried everything and cannot break free (yet Person B feels the same way about Person A’s problems).
It is always easier to see problems and solutions for other people, than for yourself. This realisation should bring humility, but also compassion equally for others and for ourselves. This level of compassion can be hard to cultivate simply from the psychological level, but it can also emerge spontaneously with the grace of spiritual awakening. Equal parts of self effort and divine grace are required for true compassion to flower.
The reality and unreality of psychological suffering:
If we were to say to someone heavily conditioned by suffering “Your suffering is not real, you are now creating suffering for yourself and those around you”, this would likely be perceived as the most offensive thing we could possibly say. And yet, at some point, this is actually the most compassionate thing we can possibly say. And also, at some point it becomes necessary to say this for the benefit of those around them.
Of course, suffering is real in the sense that people have the experience of it. The human psyche does not heal by denial and repression, but rather by love, compassion and understanding, which need to be directed towards it. The unreality of suffering however can only be seen once you experience pure, naked awareness, at which point even the ego itself is seen as (ultimately) unreal. Experiences are only fleeting, they come and go; therefore they are only ever relatively true. For something to be absolutely true it needs to be true always, for everyone and everything, in every circumstance.
In pure naked awareness there is no suffering, no unconscious and uncontrolled thought, and a natural and unfading peace (ananda), which to some can be even considered bliss or ecstasy[ix]. From this perspective, we directly will thought into existence, which therefore also directly wills emotion, as emotion is the feeling that corresponds with thought. This naked awareness and peace is unchanging and ever present, even in the most unpleasant circumstances.
At one level it is certainly is natural (in a sense) for people to be attached to their perception of themselves. This is simply the unspoken assumption, which is ubiquitous in humanity. This is true of those that perceive themselves as successful and happy, as well as those that perceive themselves as unsuccessful and unhappy.
Traumatic experiences pierce deeply into the consciousness and color the ego’s perception of everything that follows it. It is thus at the normal human level quite natural that victims of trauma will identify themselves with this trauma. Again, it is not their fault that at the unconscious level these things leave such a heavy imprint upon them, to the point that in some cases they cannot perceive reality clearly following it.
To a traumatised ego, their trauma is (somehow) precious, in that it is who they think they are. Again, this is much the same as how someone who identifies themselves strongly with a conservative, orthodox view of a particular religion acts extremely defensively in response to criticisms of their faith of choice. If someone is to imply that their faith is false they feel personally attacked, as if their very existence depends upon it.
The ego believes it has the right to suffer:
Likewise, it seems that many people consider their suffering to be intrinsic to their very being. “Don’t I have the right to be upset?”, or “This person doesn’t deserve my forgiveness” are common words and thoughts from those that are deeply attached to their suffering. It is often the case that trauma victims identify themselves completely with their suffering. The idea that they can let go of their suffering can even seem offensive, or threatening, as if it would mean that they would become nothing and lose everything precious to them. Hence, human beings often feel that they deserve to be unhappy, deserve to identify themselves as a victim, identify themselves with the trauma.
This reasoning seems to make sense to the ego, within normal human logic. And yet, from a deeper perspective it is completely illogical and deeply toxic. These rationalisations are natural for humanity in its current egoic state, and yet from the deeper perspective they are madness. Again, I want to make it clear that in using strong language (toxic, madness etc.) to refer to standard human behaviour, I do not mean to harshly judge anybody, particularly those that suffer. The opposite is my intention; rather this is expressed out of compassion. This requires the greatest of sensitivity. Those that suffer from trauma need understanding and compassion. For a traumatised person to feel that they are being called mad would be the most offensive thing.
I have seen people who are so attached to their suffering that they project it onto everything and everyone. They seem to attract conflict wherever they go, and often unconsciously create it, whilst simultaneously perceiving themselves as the victim. You can be minding your own business, but if you are around them they (unconsciously) try to make themselves a victim of you, or they believe they have to dominate you before you dominate them. Such people cannot see outside their perception and see how much suffering they create. On one hand you want to make them aware of their personal power, and also make them aware that now they are the ones inflicting the suffering. However, sometimes it is not appropriate to do so.
And yet, at some point we must call it as it is, out of compassion. If I failed to do so I would be doing others a disservice by leaving the bar far to low. I have raised this point in other articles before, and I wish to say a few more things regarding this. Different people have vastly different needs in regards to where they set the bar. Some people need to spend time exploring where they are, as well as setting high future standards to move towards. For such people, trying to immediately achieve super high standards emphasises the discomfort of where they are, and creates a feeling of pressure to repress their current circumstances. It can also create a feeling of inadequacy for failing to meet unrealistic standards.
Alternatively though, there are others who can quickly meet high standards (dwelling in pure awareness and/or other states of being involving expanded consciousness, and deliberate, conscious, positive projection of mind). For such people, focusing solely on human psychological norms means setting the bar too low, which as I keep saying, is doing them a disservice.
So, when I talk about raising the bar it is meant in a compassionate sense. Knowing what we are capable of, it is a disservice not to encourage others to seek their own connection to strength, power, clarity, inspiration, peace, love and joy. Again though, different people have different needs. Some need to have the bar raised slowly and progressively. Others need to be inspired by the lofty heights of the potential to which they can aspire. Hence, teachers need to be able to discern the needs of their students. Likewise, students themselves need to be able to discern their own needs, and discern which teacher/s is/are right for them at different times.
Social norms in response to conflict and misfortune:
In the wake of an upsetting event or circumstance, it is not hard to find others around that will validate your anger or pain. Generally, if you go to share you feelings with others they will add to it with their own stories, which trigger their own feelings. Obviously it is healthy to express our thoughts and feelings rather than keep them bottled up inside. No genuine spiritual teacher that I am aware of deliberately teaches repression, and obviously I do not either (though this may happen unwillingly with some teachers/teachings, and certainly there are many repressive religious and spiritual traditions). However, we need to understand that we can express how we are feeling and thinking about a situation with the intent to look for solutions, and with focus upon how we prefer to think, feel and act.
To give an example, it is very common for both men and women to respond to a partner leaving them by complaining about their ex-partner. That is, whilst they themselves did not want to leave the relationship, they often respond to the pain by talking (and thinking) repeatedly about all the things that annoyed them in their ex. I would suggest a healthy response to the pain of separation (being “dumped”) is to acknowledge: “I am feeling pain, I am feeling rejection, I am feeling loss, I am feeling frustration”. Instead, it is more common for people to respond with “That bastard/bitch, I can’t believe they would do this to me. After all their crap I put up with. I can’t believe I tolerated them for so long etc.”. This is practically the standard human response, and yet it is deeply unhealthy.
The truth is, nobody actually enjoys being upset. By definition, it feels bad. And yet…the ego can actually come to enjoy pain, in a strange sort of way. Anything that creates strong feelings within us can become addictive, even if those strong feelings are unpleasant. Certainly this is true of thinking, speaking and acting in such ways as to create strong negative emotions. That is, many people are addicted to unhappiness, anger, fear, pain, jealousy, spite, unforgiveness etc.
Again though, nobody actually enjoys the feeling of these emotions. Rather, this addiction to negativity is an unconscious phenomenon that slides under the radar of the conscious mind. It is common for someone to be convinced that everyone around them is causing their unhappiness, unaware that it is they, themselves who is doing so. In such cases, often the person unconsciously rejects assistance from others (not being aware of their own need for help). Such people will often reject upliftment being offered freely, preferring instead to (unconsciously) attempt to pull others down instead. Such people will often prefer others to suffer with them rather than be lifted out of their suffering. The ego is a strange thing, it often prefers hate to love, pain to pleasure and bondage to freedom.
As such, some people find themselves feeling strong resistance to suggestions that they can be free, and can find happiness. For many people the idea of psychological and spiritual freedom sounds completely fanciful, unrealistic and unattainable. In fact, many people immediately become suspicious of anyone preaching love and peace, suspecting them of possessing ulterior motives. Of course, there are many examples of frauds, narcissists and madmen (and women) in the fields of psychology and spirituality who have somewhat justified this cynicism. Hence, we have the need for leaders with integrity and honesty.
Everybody has the capacity to live in a very different way to our current norms. Without exception, everyone has the capacity to find true, lasting peace, love, freedom, strength and self-empowerment. As someone that is blessed with the experience of overflowing spiritual peace and love, it is only natural that I wish to share this with others. This peace is not something unique to myself; I am not special to have this within myself. I lived most of my life without an awareness of this, like most people. And yet, it was there all along just waiting to be awakened, waiting for me to be made aware of it. Everyone has this within themselves, and it is my genuine desire for everyone to find their way in.
Western approaches to the mind and closing thoughts:
Again I wish to make it quite clear that I have no formal qualifications on anything I speak on, and this is true regarding psychology, psychotherapy, medicine etc. I have great admiration for many features of Western science and medicine. I will openly state however that I feel Western thought to have a long way to go to properly understand consciousness. Certainly, we have been trained to expect a magic pill to relieve us of our symptoms, without ever really looking beneath the surface to find the cause of our disease.
I feel that Western psychology doesn’t yet acknowledge the full capacity of human beings to achieve inner silence and then consciously direct their mind at will. Obviously this is a high ideal and far from the normal state of consciousness of most humans. However, we are capable of living this way, and I would even suggest that we are meant to live this way. However, we have not been taught to operate like this, but rather have been conditioned by nature and nurture to operate at far less than our capacity.
There is of course a need to meet people where they are, and for many people to gradually, step by step lead them towards this goal. I do wish to comment though that I feel that the current Western approach tends to set the bar way too low, often going round and round in circles rather than moving forward. Rather than merely exploring our trauma and emotions, we need to have sight of where we are heading, in leaving behind the past and moving on.
Again however, I am not saying that these concepts are completely foreign to Western psychology; only that currently they are well understated. Of course, if anyone is suffering from serious depression, anxiety, trauma or other mental health issues I strongly recommend you seek professional assistance. However, my personal recommendation is for everyone to find a means of exploring consciousness that is suitable for them. Essentially I am suggesting that whether or not someone is experiencing a degree of mental illness, that we should all consciously practice a form of meditation, and also cultivate and direct our thoughts deliberately. For those seeking help through formal Western means I suggest also supplementing your treatment with meditative practices.
With growing acceptance of neuroplasticity, things are progressing towards accepting the power of consciousness to rewire the brain and body. However, Western philosophy is still largely ruled by metaphysical naturalism, which views consciousness as an epiphenomenon. Furthermore, many Western philosophers do not believe in free will (though of course, they are not the only ones).
I would hope that people of varying religious and philosophical persuasions could accept the ideals to which I speak here. That is, regardless of what you believe regarding whether or not humans possess a soul, what the nature of consciousness and the mind are, and what the nature of reality is, we can agree on certain features of the human experience and of our potential.
We need to make peace with where we are and show absolute love and acceptance to ourselves and to others. It is helpful however to have an understanding of what we are capable of, and how we can move forward towards a healthier, more enjoyable life experience for all.
May all beings find love, health, prosperity and freedom.
Peace.
[i] For addressing our human needs and human psychology from a spiritual perspective, I highly recommend Teal Swan (https://www.youtube.com/user/TheSpiritualCatalyst). Teal Swan cops a lot of unfair flack; there is a certain trend amongst some to be overly cynical towards any successful spiritual teacher. I recommend you simply watch some of her videos and make up your own mind. She is brilliant, hyper intelligent, and offers great depth, love and compassion.
She is very good at finding the main points in large, complex topics. Whilst she does talk about general spiritual development, she also specialises in teaching an integrative approach to personal growth, where she is at pains to emphasise the need to be kind towards ones weaknesses, and validate ones thoughts and emotions. Her videos on shadow work, integration/fragmentation are excellent, as are most that I have seen.
For realising ones Self as pure awareness, I personally recommend Eckhart Tolle (https://www.youtube.com/user/EckhartTeachings – though personally I prefer to read Tolle rather than listen to him), Mooji (https://www.youtube.com/user/Moojiji) and Rupert Spira (https://www.youtube.com/user/rupertspira). All three are excellent and effectively teach the same message, but through the vehicle of their own personality and vocabulary.
There are accusations against Mooji that have been highly publicised in the last two years, though as far as I am aware we only have anonymous and/or second and third-hand reports. I will speak on this at some point in detail; for the time being I would suggest we remember that people are innocent until proven otherwise, and his satsangs and meditations are extraordinary. There are of course many other teachers in a similar vein with differing qualities. There are other good ones (Gangaji for an excellent female example: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuu1iS63Zl-57fceuzoPzZw); also there are many that I’m not so drawn to personally.
For expansion of consciousness I personally recommend traditional Yogic techniques/practices, or simply any regular meditative practice. Serious spiritual seekers may adopt a routine of some form of Kundalini Yoga (not necessarily a practice that defines itself as such – simply any combination of powerful, classical Hatha Yoga techniques, such as Kriya Yoga).
I would personally caution that Kundalini Yoga practices are life changing, and once the awakening process has started I don’t think it can be reversed. Kundalini is a wonderful blessing to a saint, but can bring extraordinary challenges to otherwise everyday people living a more typical modern Western lifestyle. I don’t want to present the impression that Kundalini Yoga is dangerous. However, I would recommend that potential practitioners take seriously the traditional recommendations on preliminary work before undertaking practices that are deliberately designed to awaken Kundalini.
The modern practice of Holotropic Breathwork is extraordinarily powerful, and can induce intense experiences in a short period of time. Again though, this practice can very quickly induce powerful awakening of Shakti, and is not for the faint of heart.
For deliberate, conscious direction of the mind, I have a number of recommendations. I find the channelled teachings of Esther Hicks (Abraham being the name given to the group consciousness that is claimed to speak through her) to be brilliant on many levels. I recommend reading one of her books (or listening to the audiobook – here’s one example: https://www.hayhouse.com/money-and-the-law-of-attraction-5) for an in-depth and cohesive approach to applying deliberate positive thinking.
There are many great techniques for the deliberate direction of thought. Many people find affirmation to be very powerful. Here’s a playlist on YouTube from a man named Kenneth Soares (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWWG_PHempixZFCsy2w-G90VNddo8UjbG). Also, mantra repetition and any form of spiritual music involving the cultivation of divine love can be very powerful and beneficial. I personally love Deva Premal (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4IPMSvBj9G3XbvDx3ior8g), Snatam Kaur (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb0Q10jLbp021EwdBvhK8nA) to name a couple. I also (believe it or not) really enjoy some modern, evangelical Christian praise and worship (though I do not necessarily like their theology or politics). An example would be Upperroom (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCrxpO3RnaL-RbPbmB3TQCw).
[ii] I first heard about this from an episode of Q&A on the ABC (here in Australia), which featured a young man named Corey White, who works as an advocate for foster kids. His story is nothing short of brutal; hence my highest respect for this man to have come through and attempt to find solutions. https://www.abc.net.au/qanda/abuse-foster-care-and-taxes/10648728
I also found the following articles:
https://www.ahuri.edu.au/policy/ahuri-briefs/risk-of-homelessness-for-young-people-exiting-foster-care
Also: https://www.homelesshub.ca/about-homelessness/legal-justice-issues/foster-care
This last article discusses how out of homeless youth, about 60% had recently been evicted from foster care: https://junkee.com/youth-homelessness-foster-care/154016
[iii] I recently published an article on this very point: https://jameshiscoxblogs.wordpress.com/2019/07/15/to-see-the-big-picture-you-have-to-be-able-to-consider-the-validity-of-many-different-perspectives/.
[iv] Please note my careful wording here. I do not claim to have had the full experience of Self Realisation. I consider my own experiences to be merely a taste of what is truly there. There is no question for me that many people have genuinely experienced far more of this than myself, and my own experiences continue to grow and deepen.
[v] Here is a link to a domestic violence hotline which states that victims of domestic violence return to their abuser an average of seven times before leaving: https://www.thehotline.org/2017/02/16/supporting-someone-returning-to-abusive-relationship/
[vi] For some examples, see the following: https://www.verywellmind.com/children-of-alcoholics-and-intimate-relationships-66556 and: https://www.verywellmind.com/common-traits-of-adult-children-of-alcoholics-66557
[vii] See the following for some examples: https://www.arcgis.com/apps/MapJournal/index.html?appid=5508484140a84023a1e2d8b080e14d0a
and: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crime_in_South_Africa
[viii] A common view in spirituality, often termed “Monistic Idealism” in modern Western philosophy.
[ix] There are differing opinions as to whether or not ananda should be considered merely peace or happiness, or whether the terms bliss and ecstasy are appropriate.
jameshiscoxblogs 